Giving In To Mara

I’m happy to live a life of anonymity,

But left to myself I become my worst enemy,

I can’t control the vices to which I succumb,

Or the feeling of self-hate when it is all done,

These cravings and wants keep tearing me apart,

And I know of the loathing before I even start,

Desires of waste and of the flesh consume,

While thinking I’ll quit is what I assume,

Am I just weak and crippled of will,

Or emotionally stunted without any fill,

Why can’t I stop this destructive behavior,

Why can’t I be my own personal savior,

Is it a chemical imbalance glitching my brain,

Or is it much deeper that I don’t see the pain,

Where should I run to or should I just hide,

Who do I turn to so I can confide,

These fucking guilts just leave me so weak,

Is this the only way I am able to speak?